Divorce and Remarriage

This week we talked about divorce and remarriage. We had the neat opportunity to have Brother Williams wife come in where they talked about merging her children into a new mans life to start a new family and the different challenges that came along with it. She also talked about having to date again and juggle working 70 hours a week to support her family. Being a single mom is extremely tough, but I think what I got from the discussion is don't give up. At times the women may feel like she is too much of a burden for a man to handle-being a divorcee and having children of her own. It can work out as long as you know how to manage your time. Once you do find someone who you think would be a great fit, you can tell him of your situation. It isn't a good idea to unload all your past problems on the first date. In fact, both the children and the person you are dating don't necessarily need to know of each other (to a certain extent) until both of you are in a committed relationship and want to exclusively date. As Brother Williams and his wife pointed out, things aren't going to be hunky dory the day you get married. It is going to take much time and getting used to. They even mentioned that 14 years later there were still problems arising. There are always going to be situations in any type of family that will arise and you will need to handle appropriately. With a blended family, it is important that the biological parent should be more of the disciplinary figure while the step-father is more of an aunt or uncle type of figure. Reason being is the step-parent needs to first develop a relationship with the children, not just go straight into putting down the rules and disciplining them. Together both parents should consult with each other (behind closed doors). Make sure the both of you are on the same page and one isn't favoring over the other. With the help and support of each other in trying to create a meaningful intimate relationship, you can make it work. :)

Parenting

This week in class we learned about parenting. There are three different types of parenting; Authoritarian, Permissive, and Authoritative (Active). Authoritarian parenting style is where you (the parent) are the dictators. You set the boundaries and there is no room for compromise. There are a set amount of rules and the children must obey or they will suffer serious consequences. They is more yelling involved in this style of parenting and the child is more rebellious. The next style of parenting is Permissive. This is where the parents are almost too lenient. They don't have boundaries or rules, and allow their children to do whatever.    Active parenting is the ideal style you should strive to be. This is where there are rules and boundaries, but there is room for compromise. The parents give the children choices. I had a friend whose parents were very good at being active parents. My friend knew their rules and what was expected from her, but in the end it was her decision as to what to do and if she wanted to suffer the consequences. Often times I would hear her mother say, "You know what I would say, but it's up to you." She let her daughter make the decision. It's important to have mutual respect for each other. You want your children to feel comfortable talking with you and not feel that the parents are being overbearing. Communicate with your children and leave room for change and compromise.

Fathers and Finances

This week we talked about the importance of having a father figure in the home. I found that the father plays an important role in the children's life and needs to be actively involved with the family. Fathers tend to be the more "playful" parent. Fathers are to preside, provide and protect their family. If the father is unable to provide for the family, the mother may need to work as well. We also discussed the effects of both parents working. We learned that financial issues is one of the major causes for divorce. When the mother has to work, it can cause tension between her and the husband. There is also the negative outcome of spending less time with your children. My mother started working when I was in Highschool. She felt that she was missing out on being involved in my life as well as my younger siblings. It made her sad and caused tension between them. I feel like when you first get married you need to discuss the possibility of having the wife work. She should be open and willing to help out the family. You also need to stay within your budget. If you start spending money you don't have, you will get into debt-resulting in the wife more likely having to work. If you avoid debt, the wife is able to stay home with your children. Managing your money is vital, make sure both spouses understand your budget.

I liked how we talked about writing a letter to someone when you are trying to convey your feelings towards them but you just cant quite get the words out in person, or your emotions may come off different than what you are feeling. I have always enjoyed getting hand written notes from my mother and cherish those sweet letters. At times when we aren't fully understanding each other, we will write a letter. With this method, we are able to collect and organize our thoughts and it is more personal. I have noticed how my older sister gets into arguments with my mom and will say things she later regrets, with a note I am able to write, erase whatever I want to say. This also is beneficial because it give you time to calm down if you are raging with anger after the argument. It is important to communicate clearly with your family, spouse, children, friends, or whoever it may be.

I also enjoyed learning about how the 12 Apostles and Presidency council. I especially liked the part where they go around the table expressing their love and gratitude for each other. If we applied this in our home think of how the spirit would be much more present!-as well as they fewer arguments the family would encounter. They also pray before each meeting which is another significant way to council. Before making any major decisions with your husband, it is important to council before the Lord and ask for His help. Prayer is an amazing way to draw closer to our Heavenly Father and is something we shouldn't take for granted. 

Every family will have some sort of crisis in their lifetime. It seems as though it is inevitable. This week in class we talked about different tragedies that can occur and how we can better cope when those unfortunate situations arise. There were many stories shared by students in our class who have gone through a tragic experience and it was interesting to listen to their story and how their family pulled together and made it through that specific crisis. It's important that whatever trial you are going through, you stick together. Your family can help you through almost anything! Especially if it is something that involved the entire family and is effecting everyone, don't turn on each other or seclude yourself from the rest of your family. It is important to work through the crisis together, knowing you have each others support. I have also noticed how important it is to recognize you are not alone. A lot of times a certain trial will occur and you may feel depressed and sad thinking you are the only person in the entire world who has to deal with this nonsense. But you are wrong, there are people with the same issues you are going through. DON'T think you are alone in this world with a huge burden to overcome. There are always people willing to help you in your time of need. Be it a family member, psychologist, and especially the Lord. You are never alone.

When is it appropriate to talk to your children about sex? This is the question we asked ourselves this week in class. We came up 6 different age groups and what they should know at that specific age. The ages were 3,6,9,12,15,18. Depending on when you feel comfortable as a parent discussing certain issues with your child is primarily up to you, but you shouldn't keep putting it off. I think it is important for you, the parents, to discuss sex with your child. That way, they know where you stand on what is appropriate and what isn't. My parents told me at an age where I was starting to hear things about sex and when I confronted them about it, they didn't hold anything back. I knew where they stood in regards to sex and they made sure I understood that they expected me to follow their beliefs and especially my religious beliefs. Parents are relying on schools more to educate their children on sex and feeling a relief that they don't have to have that awkward talk with their kids. Try to be involved in what the schools are teaching your children, sometimes it may be more than what you wanted your child to know or inappropriate. As a parent, I don't think you should hold off on "the talk". As uncomfortable as you may feel, it is important that the child hears it from you and that they feel open with sharing questions or concerns they have. Another interesting point a student made in class was that you shouldn't say sex is bad. Let them know sex is a great thing, as long as you are married. Have the talk with you children, don't rely on the schools and other kids informing them on sex.

Getting Married

There is a process in which you get married. First you date-which includes a variety of different dates. That way you can see the other person under different circumstances and how they react. Then you enter courtship, which is similar to dating, but more exclusive. Again, you want to still date and do a variety of things instead of watching movies every night so you can get to know one another and see all aspects of their personality. Then comes the engagement! Once you have the ring and set the date it is official! Typically you don't want a long engagement....You are at a higher risk of getting into trouble. Finally, comes marriage!! Once you get married you want to create boundaries between the two of you. Especially within the first month of marriage you want to figure out each others routine, work together on budgeting, learn each others habits, figure out each persons roles, and rules of the house. An important key concept is communication. if something is bothering you communicate, if you don't think the other person is keeping up on their part of the rules-communicate!! A lot can be fixed all by communicating with each other. :)

Dating has changed extensively over the years. "Hanging Out" is much more common these days instead of dating. In class we talked about how you need to date in order to strengthen your relationship. Seeing a guy/girl only in group settings isn't enough. You don't have that one on one time where you can see them in a more secluded setting. Going on a variety of dates with the person you are interested in is important before making the decision to get married or take your relationship to the next level. When you do a handful of different activities, you can see how they would react in each situation. Going to dinner and a movie for every date isn't enough. There isn't much time to get to know one another and talk about personal things. There are 4 different meanings of love. Storge is love between a parent and child, Philia is the kind of love that exists between friends, Eros is passionate love, and Agape, a love that is independent of one's feelings for another. We concluded you need all 4 in a loving relationship. Your love grows with time though, you may only have eros in the beginning or a close friendship, then your love can escalate once you have children to storge-where you have a love for your children, etc. Whichever love you have, make sure you keep it alive. Go on dates often. Tell each other you love them everyday. Write sweet notes to each other. Don't let your love fade with time, as others use as an excuse.

This week in class we talked about the difference between men and women. Society has distinctly put men in a certain role as well as women. Men are to be the providers while women are the domestic homemakers. We see more than ever, women getting degrees and taking on male roles. They strive for equality. Whether they reach their goal or not, there are differences. Sex refers to your biological identification while Gender Roles refers to the behavior associated with being either male or female. People who are homosexual sometimes believe they were born that way. Which is definitely not the case. In most cases, same sex attraction comes about from being molested as a child. Another huge factor is being made fun of at a young age. Kids don't necessarily understand what the word "gay" means but will make fun of the boy who maybe don't hang out with the other guys or isn't as masculine as the other boys at school. This can be devastating on a child. They may go through a stage later on not knowing what he is interested in and can reflect back on those memories in elementary school and think that maybe something IS different about him, when in reality, he is just going through a phase and isn't quite sure what to think of the situation yet. Homosexuality is never set in stone, if you are struggling with it, talk to a therapist or get help in some way.

Family can be interpreted in many ways. Some families only have one parent living with them, others have both. There are people who live in a homosexual home and a heterosexual home. There are a variety of families today- from different skin colors to ethnicity and living arrangements. I believe the family is the foundation of your home. You need to gain each others trust, love and support to strengthen relationships within the family. Henry B Eyring said, "Our most important and powerful assignments are in the family. They are important because the family has the opportunity at the start of a child’s life to put feet firmly on the path home.” Family is vital, don't take it for granted. Take time from your busy day and spend time with your family. Life will pass you by before you know it, and then you will be wishing you would have had more family time. 

This week in class we learned about the 4 different theories: Symbolic Interaction Theory, Conflict theory, Exchange theory, and Systems theory. In Symbolic Interaction theory I learned you need to be careful of your behavior and how you communicate something. It happens all too often we misread certain signs. Brother Williams gave an example of how he was telling his wife something important and she rolled her eyes, he was very hurt by the gesture and come to find out, when she gets sad she looks up to stop the tears. It was a simple misunderstanding and something we need to beware of. If you aren't sure about a situation, instead of assuming right off the back, talk to your partner to make sure he/she didn't mean it in a negative way. Another great lesson I got from class this week is to always show your love to your partner...especially in front of your kids. Your children need that reassurance and loving atmosphere in the home. Kids can pick up on behaviors quick and easy-and if you aren't caring for your spouse, the child can grow up thinking that it's okay to be distant from your partner, or degrade them. Loving parents=a happy home. I have seen it first hand in my own home. I KNOW that if your parents don't show love and fight, the home will start to fall apart. You need to have that warmth in your home to make it a happy home. :)

This past week in class we talked a lot about research. I learned useful techniques that will help me in this class and many others in the future. We also spent the majority of the class talking about different trends. It seems as though people aren't looking at the family as a necessity anymore. Divorce rates are increasing, more people are cohabiting, and the household size is decreasing. I always wonder why people think cohabiting is the best solution-once the couple get into an argument it is much easier to walk away instead of trying to work it out. That goes along with married people as well though. With the increase of divorce rates you know something must be wrong. Communication if vital in a relationship and without it, your relationship will fail. Work with each other in time of need, there is always going to be arguments...just don't let it get the best of you. I am so grateful for the knowledge I have about the family. To me, family is the most important element of life.