Divorce and Remarriage

This week we talked about divorce and remarriage. We had the neat opportunity to have Brother Williams wife come in where they talked about merging her children into a new mans life to start a new family and the different challenges that came along with it. She also talked about having to date again and juggle working 70 hours a week to support her family. Being a single mom is extremely tough, but I think what I got from the discussion is don't give up. At times the women may feel like she is too much of a burden for a man to handle-being a divorcee and having children of her own. It can work out as long as you know how to manage your time. Once you do find someone who you think would be a great fit, you can tell him of your situation. It isn't a good idea to unload all your past problems on the first date. In fact, both the children and the person you are dating don't necessarily need to know of each other (to a certain extent) until both of you are in a committed relationship and want to exclusively date. As Brother Williams and his wife pointed out, things aren't going to be hunky dory the day you get married. It is going to take much time and getting used to. They even mentioned that 14 years later there were still problems arising. There are always going to be situations in any type of family that will arise and you will need to handle appropriately. With a blended family, it is important that the biological parent should be more of the disciplinary figure while the step-father is more of an aunt or uncle type of figure. Reason being is the step-parent needs to first develop a relationship with the children, not just go straight into putting down the rules and disciplining them. Together both parents should consult with each other (behind closed doors). Make sure the both of you are on the same page and one isn't favoring over the other. With the help and support of each other in trying to create a meaningful intimate relationship, you can make it work. :)

Parenting

This week in class we learned about parenting. There are three different types of parenting; Authoritarian, Permissive, and Authoritative (Active). Authoritarian parenting style is where you (the parent) are the dictators. You set the boundaries and there is no room for compromise. There are a set amount of rules and the children must obey or they will suffer serious consequences. They is more yelling involved in this style of parenting and the child is more rebellious. The next style of parenting is Permissive. This is where the parents are almost too lenient. They don't have boundaries or rules, and allow their children to do whatever.    Active parenting is the ideal style you should strive to be. This is where there are rules and boundaries, but there is room for compromise. The parents give the children choices. I had a friend whose parents were very good at being active parents. My friend knew their rules and what was expected from her, but in the end it was her decision as to what to do and if she wanted to suffer the consequences. Often times I would hear her mother say, "You know what I would say, but it's up to you." She let her daughter make the decision. It's important to have mutual respect for each other. You want your children to feel comfortable talking with you and not feel that the parents are being overbearing. Communicate with your children and leave room for change and compromise.

Fathers and Finances

This week we talked about the importance of having a father figure in the home. I found that the father plays an important role in the children's life and needs to be actively involved with the family. Fathers tend to be the more "playful" parent. Fathers are to preside, provide and protect their family. If the father is unable to provide for the family, the mother may need to work as well. We also discussed the effects of both parents working. We learned that financial issues is one of the major causes for divorce. When the mother has to work, it can cause tension between her and the husband. There is also the negative outcome of spending less time with your children. My mother started working when I was in Highschool. She felt that she was missing out on being involved in my life as well as my younger siblings. It made her sad and caused tension between them. I feel like when you first get married you need to discuss the possibility of having the wife work. She should be open and willing to help out the family. You also need to stay within your budget. If you start spending money you don't have, you will get into debt-resulting in the wife more likely having to work. If you avoid debt, the wife is able to stay home with your children. Managing your money is vital, make sure both spouses understand your budget.

I liked how we talked about writing a letter to someone when you are trying to convey your feelings towards them but you just cant quite get the words out in person, or your emotions may come off different than what you are feeling. I have always enjoyed getting hand written notes from my mother and cherish those sweet letters. At times when we aren't fully understanding each other, we will write a letter. With this method, we are able to collect and organize our thoughts and it is more personal. I have noticed how my older sister gets into arguments with my mom and will say things she later regrets, with a note I am able to write, erase whatever I want to say. This also is beneficial because it give you time to calm down if you are raging with anger after the argument. It is important to communicate clearly with your family, spouse, children, friends, or whoever it may be.

I also enjoyed learning about how the 12 Apostles and Presidency council. I especially liked the part where they go around the table expressing their love and gratitude for each other. If we applied this in our home think of how the spirit would be much more present!-as well as they fewer arguments the family would encounter. They also pray before each meeting which is another significant way to council. Before making any major decisions with your husband, it is important to council before the Lord and ask for His help. Prayer is an amazing way to draw closer to our Heavenly Father and is something we shouldn't take for granted. 

Every family will have some sort of crisis in their lifetime. It seems as though it is inevitable. This week in class we talked about different tragedies that can occur and how we can better cope when those unfortunate situations arise. There were many stories shared by students in our class who have gone through a tragic experience and it was interesting to listen to their story and how their family pulled together and made it through that specific crisis. It's important that whatever trial you are going through, you stick together. Your family can help you through almost anything! Especially if it is something that involved the entire family and is effecting everyone, don't turn on each other or seclude yourself from the rest of your family. It is important to work through the crisis together, knowing you have each others support. I have also noticed how important it is to recognize you are not alone. A lot of times a certain trial will occur and you may feel depressed and sad thinking you are the only person in the entire world who has to deal with this nonsense. But you are wrong, there are people with the same issues you are going through. DON'T think you are alone in this world with a huge burden to overcome. There are always people willing to help you in your time of need. Be it a family member, psychologist, and especially the Lord. You are never alone.