Divorce and Remarriage

This week we talked about divorce and remarriage. We had the neat opportunity to have Brother Williams wife come in where they talked about merging her children into a new mans life to start a new family and the different challenges that came along with it. She also talked about having to date again and juggle working 70 hours a week to support her family. Being a single mom is extremely tough, but I think what I got from the discussion is don't give up. At times the women may feel like she is too much of a burden for a man to handle-being a divorcee and having children of her own. It can work out as long as you know how to manage your time. Once you do find someone who you think would be a great fit, you can tell him of your situation. It isn't a good idea to unload all your past problems on the first date. In fact, both the children and the person you are dating don't necessarily need to know of each other (to a certain extent) until both of you are in a committed relationship and want to exclusively date. As Brother Williams and his wife pointed out, things aren't going to be hunky dory the day you get married. It is going to take much time and getting used to. They even mentioned that 14 years later there were still problems arising. There are always going to be situations in any type of family that will arise and you will need to handle appropriately. With a blended family, it is important that the biological parent should be more of the disciplinary figure while the step-father is more of an aunt or uncle type of figure. Reason being is the step-parent needs to first develop a relationship with the children, not just go straight into putting down the rules and disciplining them. Together both parents should consult with each other (behind closed doors). Make sure the both of you are on the same page and one isn't favoring over the other. With the help and support of each other in trying to create a meaningful intimate relationship, you can make it work. :)

Parenting

This week in class we learned about parenting. There are three different types of parenting; Authoritarian, Permissive, and Authoritative (Active). Authoritarian parenting style is where you (the parent) are the dictators. You set the boundaries and there is no room for compromise. There are a set amount of rules and the children must obey or they will suffer serious consequences. They is more yelling involved in this style of parenting and the child is more rebellious. The next style of parenting is Permissive. This is where the parents are almost too lenient. They don't have boundaries or rules, and allow their children to do whatever.    Active parenting is the ideal style you should strive to be. This is where there are rules and boundaries, but there is room for compromise. The parents give the children choices. I had a friend whose parents were very good at being active parents. My friend knew their rules and what was expected from her, but in the end it was her decision as to what to do and if she wanted to suffer the consequences. Often times I would hear her mother say, "You know what I would say, but it's up to you." She let her daughter make the decision. It's important to have mutual respect for each other. You want your children to feel comfortable talking with you and not feel that the parents are being overbearing. Communicate with your children and leave room for change and compromise.

Fathers and Finances

This week we talked about the importance of having a father figure in the home. I found that the father plays an important role in the children's life and needs to be actively involved with the family. Fathers tend to be the more "playful" parent. Fathers are to preside, provide and protect their family. If the father is unable to provide for the family, the mother may need to work as well. We also discussed the effects of both parents working. We learned that financial issues is one of the major causes for divorce. When the mother has to work, it can cause tension between her and the husband. There is also the negative outcome of spending less time with your children. My mother started working when I was in Highschool. She felt that she was missing out on being involved in my life as well as my younger siblings. It made her sad and caused tension between them. I feel like when you first get married you need to discuss the possibility of having the wife work. She should be open and willing to help out the family. You also need to stay within your budget. If you start spending money you don't have, you will get into debt-resulting in the wife more likely having to work. If you avoid debt, the wife is able to stay home with your children. Managing your money is vital, make sure both spouses understand your budget.

I liked how we talked about writing a letter to someone when you are trying to convey your feelings towards them but you just cant quite get the words out in person, or your emotions may come off different than what you are feeling. I have always enjoyed getting hand written notes from my mother and cherish those sweet letters. At times when we aren't fully understanding each other, we will write a letter. With this method, we are able to collect and organize our thoughts and it is more personal. I have noticed how my older sister gets into arguments with my mom and will say things she later regrets, with a note I am able to write, erase whatever I want to say. This also is beneficial because it give you time to calm down if you are raging with anger after the argument. It is important to communicate clearly with your family, spouse, children, friends, or whoever it may be.

I also enjoyed learning about how the 12 Apostles and Presidency council. I especially liked the part where they go around the table expressing their love and gratitude for each other. If we applied this in our home think of how the spirit would be much more present!-as well as they fewer arguments the family would encounter. They also pray before each meeting which is another significant way to council. Before making any major decisions with your husband, it is important to council before the Lord and ask for His help. Prayer is an amazing way to draw closer to our Heavenly Father and is something we shouldn't take for granted. 

Every family will have some sort of crisis in their lifetime. It seems as though it is inevitable. This week in class we talked about different tragedies that can occur and how we can better cope when those unfortunate situations arise. There were many stories shared by students in our class who have gone through a tragic experience and it was interesting to listen to their story and how their family pulled together and made it through that specific crisis. It's important that whatever trial you are going through, you stick together. Your family can help you through almost anything! Especially if it is something that involved the entire family and is effecting everyone, don't turn on each other or seclude yourself from the rest of your family. It is important to work through the crisis together, knowing you have each others support. I have also noticed how important it is to recognize you are not alone. A lot of times a certain trial will occur and you may feel depressed and sad thinking you are the only person in the entire world who has to deal with this nonsense. But you are wrong, there are people with the same issues you are going through. DON'T think you are alone in this world with a huge burden to overcome. There are always people willing to help you in your time of need. Be it a family member, psychologist, and especially the Lord. You are never alone.

When is it appropriate to talk to your children about sex? This is the question we asked ourselves this week in class. We came up 6 different age groups and what they should know at that specific age. The ages were 3,6,9,12,15,18. Depending on when you feel comfortable as a parent discussing certain issues with your child is primarily up to you, but you shouldn't keep putting it off. I think it is important for you, the parents, to discuss sex with your child. That way, they know where you stand on what is appropriate and what isn't. My parents told me at an age where I was starting to hear things about sex and when I confronted them about it, they didn't hold anything back. I knew where they stood in regards to sex and they made sure I understood that they expected me to follow their beliefs and especially my religious beliefs. Parents are relying on schools more to educate their children on sex and feeling a relief that they don't have to have that awkward talk with their kids. Try to be involved in what the schools are teaching your children, sometimes it may be more than what you wanted your child to know or inappropriate. As a parent, I don't think you should hold off on "the talk". As uncomfortable as you may feel, it is important that the child hears it from you and that they feel open with sharing questions or concerns they have. Another interesting point a student made in class was that you shouldn't say sex is bad. Let them know sex is a great thing, as long as you are married. Have the talk with you children, don't rely on the schools and other kids informing them on sex.

Getting Married

There is a process in which you get married. First you date-which includes a variety of different dates. That way you can see the other person under different circumstances and how they react. Then you enter courtship, which is similar to dating, but more exclusive. Again, you want to still date and do a variety of things instead of watching movies every night so you can get to know one another and see all aspects of their personality. Then comes the engagement! Once you have the ring and set the date it is official! Typically you don't want a long engagement....You are at a higher risk of getting into trouble. Finally, comes marriage!! Once you get married you want to create boundaries between the two of you. Especially within the first month of marriage you want to figure out each others routine, work together on budgeting, learn each others habits, figure out each persons roles, and rules of the house. An important key concept is communication. if something is bothering you communicate, if you don't think the other person is keeping up on their part of the rules-communicate!! A lot can be fixed all by communicating with each other. :)